


On My Mind

by JakkyLovesScreamer



Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Sex, Emotionally Repressed, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2018-09-25 03:55:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9801593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JakkyLovesScreamer/pseuds/JakkyLovesScreamer
Summary: Shockwave returns to the Decepticon ranks after eons without interaction and finds something promising in Soundwave, but Megatron is not the same leader he once was in Cybertron's golden days.





	1. The Solitary Sciences

Chapter One: The Solitary Sciences 

 

Cybertronian labs were a quite eventful place to be set to work. As many things as there were to do, analyze, create, tweak, and finalize, there wasn't a spark around to talk to. Not that Shockwave needed any help with his work. All his orders were perfectly clear from Megatron, and despite the faith placed in him to carry out these orders flawlessly, as he could, the purple con grew tired of the incessant commands shouted heartlessly at him with no rewards or even recognition for completing entire projects single handed that any other con would take eons to finish. Shockwave, not one to complain and quite used to the estranged treatment, never sought out attention or affection. Nobody had ever quite cared for him or asked how he was feeling for any reason whatsoever. 

It was only recently, however, that he ceased to receive any treatment at all, good or bad. Despite any treatment that could be considered anything above polite, Megatron at least used to reprimand him when he did not do his job. Now he received nothing more than a grunt when the scientist failed at his task. He had tried going above the requirements and reaching for the stars, so to speak, in an attempt to gain even a sliver of attention from his leader, whom he had strongly believed in  and even admired for his prosperity and leadership skills, and how he had once made every bot feel useful and of some value, but he had since realized that the crushing reality was that the Decepticon's leader was cold and cruel to his own bots, not just on the battlefield, and had grown to act against their own cause without regret or reason. 

It was then that his work began to falter. He had always loved what he did, and his love for science hadn't budged a bit, but without a cause to lend his dark contraptions to work towards, his motivation ebbed. At first failure was in no way a plea for someone to notice everything that he contributed nor a hope to draw attention to the lack of work the others attended to, but when he did not receive any further tasks as he gave up his passion, taking instead to carving nicks in his own armor, he grew concerned. Not for his previously endeared Megatron, but for the rest of the high command of Decepticons under the direct supervision of their leader. 

Perhaps all of this was why he had hesitated when he received a communication of the highest priority several megacycles later summoning him. Awakened from stasis by a blip on his HUD, he jerked his helm and his limbs spasmed from entering recharge in such an odd position, hunched over an active panel. He had only been incapacitated for several decacycles, Shockwave noted to himself based on the state of the specimen in front of him. What seemed like eons alone pushed the con to do something, so he strove to meaninglessly reactivate some of his old personal experiments from his Academy days, back when Cybertron was flourishing with life. Merely to kill his boredom and also with nobody to dismay, they tended to be rather crude in both technique and content, ranging from simple surgical procedures to maliciously intended ones done simply from curiosity of a circuit that was taboo or never encountered before in his field or simple not done in society. Clearly, being considered socially or morally acceptable couldn't stop his processes, as this was off the record anyways. Not that Megatron would have minded, Shockwave had thought to himself, as he had heard not a word in forever. 

That seemed to change that cycle, however. Upon stretching his digits and completing a quick systems check, he abandoned his lifeless, cut open Scraplet sprawled on his poorly constructed operating table, the opened the file. An unamused chuckle escaped his voice box upon seeing an intelligence officer had composed and sent the file. 

“Megatron couldn't even be bothered to contact me himself, I presume.” He hissed sarcastically. One might think his voice crackly from disuse, but being alone for so long, he had taken to talking to himself. Sure he could play back data files of his old comrades, but he was a con of logic. They were dead now anyways, fallen long ago on the battlefield. Besides, the thought that they had all died for the Megatron who now seemed to lead a corrupt army for a withered cause made his tanks churn. 

The message was brief and concise. “Shockwave. The Decepticons have found refuge on an energon rich planet, Earth. You are to come immediately. Coordinates are imbedded.” 

Shockwave wasn't going to ignore the fact that he had practically been abandoned among other things, but no matter how hard he tried to convince himself not to respond, his spark ached for some companionship and he craved answers despite claiming not to care. He was a scientist to the core and curiosity plagued him like a disease. In addition, he had no other options, and if his physical and mental conditions were anything to go by, he could use a bit of change. Anything could be better than this boredom. Shockwave would give his right servo to even be an Autobot captive or to be stricken for his disloyalty to the Decepticon order, to the Pit with sounding an undesirable situation. The experiments were great, to conduct science without supervision, but it was all empty, soulless work. He was still passionate for the cause, no matter how little of it probably stood tall on this Earth planet. At the very least he could respect that. 

He gathered his necessary supplies and useful inventions, stored his lab equipment and awry experiments in his personal storage, and booted up a spacebridge. He'd be fragged if he hadn't repaired at least one in all this time. He may have been useless, but he wasn't stupid or without emergency measures. Inputting the coordinated, he transformed briskly and headed to Earth, displacing thoughts of doom and demise and thinking only of how nice it must be compared to his now previous solace. 

 

 


	2. New Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shockwave arrives on the Nemesis

Chapter Two: New Arrival 

 

Loyalties, Shockwave found, were not so easily left behind. Megatron did welcome him with open arms, but only because he served a purpose. Shockwave cursed himself for not being able to lash out, but he held his glossa. After all, Megatron was his outlet back into the Decepticon ranks. Despite believing deep down that he was not exactly worth trusting in, he stayed silent for his own sake. It was the most logical thing to do, he told himself as Megatron led the way through oddly familiar halls to what he presumed was a wing of laboratories. Following close behind the two was a masked, slender con. Soundwave, if he recalled correctly. Despite not working directly alongside the officer, he still recalled his reputation. From the way Soundwave regarded the other purple con, it seemed that his memory too remained sound from their time shared in the war. 

Flustered from all the attention he was receiving, he was relieved when everyone went away and he was once again left to himself. Even though he had spent so long hunting for something other than his lonely, droll lifestyle, so much chatter was overwhelming, so the familiarity of some alone time was a relief. He was expected to work alone with groups of men under him, and while he was very well capable of it, he couldn't help be a bit intimidated by it and he chastised himself for letting it get to him. 

Keeping with the familiarity, Shockwave inwardly grinned as he took in his surroundings: a neat and tidy lab, condition pristine and clean. Pacing around, the scientist acclimated himself with the bundles of cables and myriad of supplies the Nemesis carried. Putting his own custom tools alongside the latter, the logistics official took note of how the ship's design was very reminiscent of Cybertron. Being on board was not as foreign feeling as he thought it would be. The well-known feeling of home was welcoming. Everything else was changing around him and it was a good source of comfort. 

Through his nostalgia, however, the purple con once again began to feel the pressure of solitary sinking in. Just then, the doors slid open and in walked two Vehicons, who paused to greet him before returning to work. Ah yes, Shockwave reminisced. Those drones. He had forgotten how ship work was never without a surplus of hands to keep things running. Even though he had crafted them himself, he still appreciated the company, even if it was just having someone know he was there without a word being exchanged. That was all he told himself he needed, and for the time being, it was enough to work with. 

But before long, he gave in. The time spent on that rock had been far too long for even the most introverted of personalities. The overwhelming silence made him crave some company. Yes, there were the Vehicons, but they hustled about, perpetually moving, always busy. Glancing around the lab one last time, he left to wander the halls. 

 

When met by the other officers, the Vehicons straightened up, ceased their chatter, and looked attentive. While they did stand a bit taller at seeing Shockwave, it was more out of shock than formality. "Sir!" many of them chirped, elevated to once again meet their maker. Shockwave nodded to each of them respectfully, but didn't fail to notice their lack of excessive properness. They acted as if they respected him out of fondness instead of fear. Internally, he found it rather comforting. The other officers regarded him cautiously, besides Megatron who treated him highly, but nonetheless high and mighty himself. It was a relief to be seen more like a Cybertronian than a commanding authority.  

It was in the analysis hallway that he came across another officer. Standing with several vehicons was Soundwave, seemingly enthralled with his work, feelers tapping away at the panels, in sync with his servos and head movements. Reaching over him, Knockout was muttering under his breath, huffing and fidgeting while he worked as if everyone was in his way. His incessant tapping would bring any other con to a simmer. Shockwave held back a scoff. Just the thought that this unproductive, complaining, self-centered drag-queen would be under his jurisdiction made him want to purge.  

Seeing how they were both preoccupied, he went to leave, but Soundwave motioned for him to stay with an outstretched arm. Puzzled, Shockwave stepped closer to the deep violet con.  

“Is there something you need?” Shockwave asked, tone professional. Not a moment later he received an internal com.  

“Yes. Current medical and laboratory inventory.”  

If he had a mouth, Shockwave would have been smiling. “Not going to risk asking Knockout?” 

“Knockout: incompetent.” he commed in response, tilting his head ever so slightly towards the automobile in question.  

Sighing in agreement, Shockwave turned to leave once more before receiving another transmission from the intelligence officer; 

“Welcome aboard the Nemesis.” 

With a backwards glance, Shockwave didn’t fail to notice Soundwave’s rather expressive posture, his body turned to face him and his shoulders relaxed in an almost inviting manner. He rotated partially back to his station, nodded curtly, and resumed his work.  

As Shockwave made his way back to the lab, he pondered if the con he had thought to be so stoic had actually been nice to him. He could've sworn there was some feeling behind the simple gesture. Still, he liked how efficient he was and how his attitude was anything but vain. It was a nice change compared to the cons he was usually forced to interact with in the past. He wondered if he might figure out if Soundwave was hiding something under that mask. 

 


	3. Soundwave's Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brief insight on Soundwave

_Chapter Three:_ _Soundwave’s_ _Duty_  

 

Current events on the nemesis were rather hectic lately. With project Predacon on the go, there was barely a spare moment for anyone. Eradicons were scolded for slacking off. Starscream was chastised on a regular basis for his mischief. Though often staying behind the scenes as he usually did, even Soundwave was put under strain. However, now marked a very rare occasion in which he had a moment to himself. As he did whenever he has completed assignments, he would organize stray files or work on decoding various transmissions. Surprised, Soundwave found none. He briefly scanned the surrounding area, scouting for enemies or even a soldier in need. Drawing back from his workstation, he straightened his back and exhaled softly; there was no work to be done.  

Amused, Soundwave grunted. He would’ve gone to the command center to give Megatron his report, but the leader was off ship. Shifting his shoulders and rolling his hips, he tensed his panels and loosened his joints, relief flooding through his circuits. Putting his controls on standby, he decided to loll around the halls.  

Peds slowly bringing him nowhere in particular, clever mind churning over prospects, the tall con made his way past the ship’s crew. None approached him, walking by at a steady pace with purposeful strides and confident postures. Despite being taken with issues at hand, he knew they were all wary, anxious as to what may happen in the near future. Though drones, they too had opinions just as loud as their superiors. 

Of the senior staff, Soundwave thought, Megatron’s certainly spoke the loudest. His views and ideas should be radical if many were to follow, himself included. Always devout to his leader, Soundwave knew many thought him a snitch. In reality, his loyalty was more of a central source of devotion that a means to achieve favoritism from their quite imposing master. And he did, on occasion, disagree with Megatron. He did voice these in private, but never defied him because of this. Just as Soundwave had faith in the illustrious warlord, Megatron heeded Soundwave’s logic, even going as far as to alter his plans to cover any loopholes that his TIC spotted.  

Of course, he was more stubborn when it came to Starscream’s complaints about how flawed his schemes were. Then again, the seeker in question had never had a great record, not even in the beginning on Cybertron, when loyalties burned hot and betrayals stung deep. However, one con who Soundwave would value input from was Shockwave. He was quite familiar with his work, even before reviewing his records and logs. His file left out how reliable he really was. Though the cyclops had never worked under him directly during the war, he had been under his supervision. Soundwave had noted how he was a diligent worker who, unlike so many others, actually used his processor. He found many of his projects fascinating, if not admirable, and was let down when many of them were scrapped. The research from them could’ve proved to be quite useful. In fact, when Soundwave had sent the transmission summoning the scientist to Earth, he was secretly delighted in not having to dumb down his terminology or vernacular.  

Abruptly, he was brought out of his head by a meandering eradicon parallel from him. Walking towards him, holding a data pad, he noticed that he was one of the flyers under Starscream’s command. Frankly, he wasn’t impressed.  

He stopped in his tracks and extended an arm across the drone’s chestplate, blocking his path. Many of the troops didn’t think they were on as tight a leash as they truly were. Soundwave kept track of every single one of them, where they were supposed to be, and where they were in reality. It was only recently that several had escaped his authority due to how many were sent off to fight or be restationed to project Predacon, as well as how busy the commanding officers were. Regardless of all this, they knew what happened when they exceeded their boundaries, especially when confronted by Soundwave. He didn’t dare try to push past Soundwave as the data pad was pried from his claws. Confiscating the pad, he forcefully pointed down the hall he was posted in. Flustered at being caught slacking off, he muttered a nervous, “Yes, sir!” and ran off in the other direction, helm low and haunches high. 

Glancing down, Soundwave skimmed the pad. What he found didn’t surprise him: rumors being spread in the words of Starscream and Knockout. Bringing him back to his tangent, he again was reminded of how much he appreciated Shockwave’s attitude and work effort. Then, wondering why it hadn’t occurred to him sooner, he made his way to find the con in question. He had plans to discuss with him anyway. To his alarm, he seemed to be closer to the main lab then he had previously assumed. Smiling a simper that no optics could see, he walked to the science labs, subconsciously moving quicker in his brief moment of excitement. 

 

 


	4. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two stoic cons begin their interactions

_Chapter Four: Awakening_  

 

Shockwave did not anticipate having trouble adjusting to life on the Nemesis. However, the difficulties he was experiencing were not what the typical Cybertronian would. Anxiety about fitting in and confusion from the overwhelming amount of work he was assigned almost immediately was nothing. In fact, he assigned himself more work on Cybertron when there was not a con in sight to supervise him. Not that Shockwave needed supervision. Integrating wasn’t an issue, as he decided a long time ago that worrying about what mechs around him were doing was illogical, since he worked perfectly fine in groups and alone. No, what bothered him were the essentials. He hated the little down time he did have, opting to scarf down his energon in the morning as he booted up his systems and ran his daily system checks. When the other mechs took their breaks, he stayed at his station, drinking his ration there while he continued with his duties instead of with his subordinates. At the very least he brought a data pad with him to the mess hall at the end of the day so he wouldn’t have to linger about. While he had missed contact on Cybertron, he missed his work more. Now that he was working towards something, working with a purpose, he couldn’t stand to stop. He knew he could handle it, and he recharged when he needed to without hesitation, so it never presented a problem.   

No, what he couldn’t stand was Megatron. He had grown power hungry and was obsessed with Optimus, and treated his troops like scrap. However, he had just gotten here. He wasn't going to risk defying his leader just yet, not when he had finally gained some semblance of a manageable lifestyle. At least now he was contributing to the Decepticon cause, and for now, Shockwave decided that was enough. 

Furthermore unfortunately, research was going painstakingly slowly for Shockwave. To his chagrin, there were quite a few formulas and procedures that had been implicated after the time he had served with the Decepticons. Though he had spent several cycles catching up on Cybertronian technology, his time was not wasted, as he had applied these new principles to his previous equations and was back on track with his current mission. He had even many of his subordinate workers catch up on parts of the project they were behind on. Having accomplished much, he was thoroughly captivated by his work. In fact, as a quick status check showed, the team may have even been ahead of schedule. As such, Shockwave never noticed when the door swished open and Soundwave made his way towards him. The scientist jumped when he received a ping from the slender con and with a start, quickly turned to face him.  

“Soundwave,” he cleared his throat and locked his panel. “Good to see you.” 

The con in question nodded.  

“Do you need something?” 

Soundwave nodded once more and preceded to com him. “Current status?” 

“Ahead of schedule,” Shockwave relayed. “Although I do find it unwise to continue at this pace. It is likely there will be more errors this way.” 

“Agreed.” Soundwave commed. “However;” he played back a slip of Megatron’s voice roaring, “I don’t care! We must be operational at once!” Again, the TIC recalled how much he appreciated the scientists’ lack of stupidity and attention to detail. Though he was glad to hear Shockwave’s honest opinion, he questioned his disapproving tone. “Is there a problem with that?” 

Shockwave blinked in surprise at hearing the query aloud, believing he was imagining things. “Pardon?” 

With a tilt of his head, Soundwave repeated himself in the same monotonous voice, expertly hiding his amusement at the reaction he received. 

“No. It’s logical enough.” Shockwave said after a moment spent thinking over his answer. A warm feeling spread throughout his circuits at being asked his opinion. For a moment, he felt as if he was of value to someone and it wasn’t just his skills that mattered. But then, he realized, that was unlikely. Unpractical, even, especially from someone as dutiful and logical as Soundwave. While Shockwave did acknowledge that he was growing quite fond of him in contrast to the other cons he was surrounded by (even Megatron, who still had a rather one track mindset), he knew that this tactician worked very closely to Megatron and might just be testing his loyalty. He considered that he might be playing a very dangerous game. 

Clearly, Soundwave could tell a bit of what he was thinking, because the silent con’s shoulders elevated and drooped, imitating a bodily sigh. “I am not questioning your trustworthiness. You are clearly still loyal to the Decepticons, you responded to the transmission I sent. Tell me: what troubles you about our leader.” 

The TIC shifted in place a little. Shockwave was bemused at the notion that the usually dry soldier could be showing anxiety of all emotions, but more than anything he was a bit let down that he wasn’t taking an interest in him personally. But before a moment of hesitation had the chance to pass, Shockwave brushed it off as nothing as he had done so many times before. He refused to show any signs of weakness in front of Soundwave, especially if his loyalties were in question. He saw that he would take only a logical answer, and for that he was grateful. Still, he felt the urge to be open with him, quite enjoying working with him rather than the other Decepticons aboard. Maybe that was why he was growing to like him a little. 

After a moment, he prodded, “Soundwave… interested.” 

Shockwave saw no reason to lie, and was well aware that there were no online security cameras or surveillance routes in the lower bays. Plus, he must really be curious if he both spoke and showed signs of being antsy. Perhaps, Shockwave wondered, he wasn’t used to conveying his thoughts or interacting purely unprofessionally. Not that he himself was any different in those categories. The two cons had met their match in intelligence. 

“Our leader is great, but was once more sound.” He fidgeted as well as he explained, servo scratching at his neck cables. 

Despite quite looking up to the intelligence officer, he did not understand why he was so devoted to Megatron. Possibly for his own good, though surely someone as clever as he could overthrow him and lead the Decepticons on his own, even better than Megatron had ever lead them.  

After a long pause with his helm sloped, he commed back: “Noted." Shockwave was a bit surprised that the TIC hadn't immediately shut him down, and even seemed to be reasonably considering his response. He was even more shocked when the typically austere mech announced, "Soundwave: must report back to Megatron. Conversation: continued later?" 

After a moment, Shockwave realized that he was waiting for a response, nervously looking to the door and back at him. In a hurry, he blurted, "Of course!" Without having the time to question himself, he offered, "My shift ends four and a half cycles." 

Soundwave nodded, regaining his normal stance, and replied, "Shockwave: mess hall in five cycles," before abruptly treading out.  

The doors audibly slid shut, and Shockwave released a sigh he didn't realize he was holding. He knew that that hadn't been awkward, but his spark was now twisting, unsettled in a way that he was unfamiliar with. What exactly from, he couldn't tell. All he knew was that for the first time, he couldn't wait to get to the mess hall and consume energon alongside another bot. This unsettled him at first, before he realized that of course he would want to spend time with someone so similar to himself, especially since the ship was practically littered with insubordinate drones, other officers included. As he continued working, he was amused at the thought of all this, especially this new endeavor of pursuing Soundwave that could prove extremely interesting. Little did he know that at the exact same time, Soundwave was brewing in his berth, curled into himself, thinking the same things. 


	5. Curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our two characters continue their interactions over energon, and conversation gets more personal than either thought it would.

_Chapter Five: Curiosity_  

 

Soundwave walked slowly to the mess hall. He decided to head down early, having nothing better to do. Internally, he told himself for the third time that cycle that he was being irrational. He was looking forward to spending more time talking to Shockwave, and it unnerved him. The only one that he actually enjoyed conversing with was Megatron, and even then it was mostly work related. His whole life had been executing carefully constructed plans to the letter, whether it be for his own survival or for the Decepticon cause. A cause that Shockwave shared his concern for. It had always been enough, and he had never wanted more. Of course he worked towards more: a better life for himself, better odds, a larger, more ubiquitous faction. He had made leaps and bounds in his personal life as well, growing closer to his symbiotic companion Lazerbeak, forging sound relationships with bots he found to be only the most reliable, and obtaining more and more knowledge. He liked what he did, and it satisfied him. As a spy, he had had to invest plenty of time in finding out as much as possible about suspicious or what he considered interesting cons, thus he knew how to size up a mech. Shockwave was different, that he knew for a fact. How so, he wasn't so sure.  

Of course, he had personally found likeminded cons and befriended them, even investigated them. In the end, many had turned out to be traitors, but Shockwave was loyal. Soundwave was very familiar with his work, and all signs pointed towards the purple con being one hundred percent Decepticon. Yet, Shockwave had now allowed his voice to be heard, which was, as far as Soundwave was aware, rather uncommon for him. Soundwave too, found him interesting enough to speak for, so perhaps he was really on to something. He must be, he thought to himself, denying that he was merely justifying his actions with false importance. Regardless, maybe their sudden show of insights on both ends was due to the fact that the only opinions on the Nemesis were self-centered around their owners. Even Soundwave could admit that Megatron was often included in this. However, Shockwave was far from anti-Megatron. His years of service and personal attributions during the war proved this. Soundwave pondered that maybe this was the reason that Shockwave confounded him. Nonetheless, he remained sound on his own personal opinions, which were more a way of life towards servitude towards Megatron. A vassal he may be, but the most unbiased and reasonable of vassals, and that was satisfactory in his own optics.   

The remaining time of his shift he had logged data mindlessly, barely paying attention to the work that usually managed to enthrall him. If Shockwave captured this much of his mind, he might as well discover what it was that intrigued him. After all, he wasn't known to dwell on useless things.   

Perhaps this was why as Soundwave picked up a cube of energon for himself, he also denied that Shockwave looked as if he was anticipating his arrival, seated alone at the end of a table towards the entrance of the mess hall, trailing a digit around the opening of his half empty own cube. Because the other con was similar to him, stoic and logical. Because it was just his emotions getting the best of him, he told himself.  

As Soundwave approached him, he found himself a bit jittery as well, though he used his practice of controlling such unhelpful emotions down and kept his calm attire set in place. "Shockwave," he commed him, not wanting to speak in front of the crowd surrounding them, all knowing better than to be obvious about eavesdropping on two feared officers.  

"Soundwave," he acknowledged aloud with a nod. "Sit." 

Complying, he positioned himself across from him, noticing that both their optics traced the other's every move.  

"What would you like to discuss?" The bulkier of the two asked before sipping his cube. 

Soundwave noted with a smile to himself that Shockwave was not one for small talk either, which is exactly what he had expected. Still privately comming him, he replied promptly, "Tell me: Megatron's leadership from your perspective." 

Shockwave shifted in his seat, thinking. Surprising Soundwave, his answer came in a com. "I do not wish to appear as if questioning our leader. I believe devoutly in the great Decepticon cause." He paused, allowing Soundwave a moment to nod in acknowledgement. "However, he is rash and hypocritical. On Cybertron, he kept to the ideals that each of us deserve more and that the strong shall prevail. Now, he provides the same type of tyranny that once kept him bound. Indeed his troops are orderly, but they are treated as if dispensable." 

"Drones: easily replaced." Soundwave commented. 

"Yes. But it is illogical that mistakes be made due to this fact. Reserves will shortly be depleted if this continues." 

Soundwave could not find any fault with that statement, so he dipped his helm briefly. "Go on." 

"He needlessly endangers more than just vehicons. Perhaps Knockout would stay in his place more if punishments were merited." 

"Knockout: imbecile."  

"Indeed," Shockwave agreed with an audible intake, akin to a light chuckle. "He cannot take orders, but is skilled in medicine and is quite swift. He should not be scrapped so easily. It is a waste to need to repair him so often due to mere subordination. Megatron should put him where he is useful." 

"Megatron: has more pressing matters to attend to." Soundwave insisted.  

Shockwave scoffed. "Like sending you on dangerous missions? You would be more valuable on board. Soundwave is irreplaceable in intellect and accuracy." 

Soundwave nodded. "Soundwave: useful for missions. Other officers: high failure rate." 

"The troops reflect on the leader." Shockwave paused, then added, "However, the Decepticons are still winning side, so I suppose my complaints are mute. As such, Megatron must not be hassled with these matters." 

"Issues discussed: minor setback." 

Shockwave shook his head in agreement.  

"Shockwave: highly efficient. Opinions: valued less by our lord than necessary." 

Shockwave looked ever so slightly surprised, but only for a moment. "Allow me to express my gratitude for your observation." 

By this point, Shockwave had finished his rations, but found that he preferred to stay with Soundwave. He honestly enjoyed the input from someone on the same level as he. Since Soundwave was almost done as well, he figured that he wouldn't mind him staying anyway.  

Soundwave seemed to come to the same conclusion as he began to speak in Shockwave's audios again. "Shockwave: sound company." Another pause in which Soundwave sipped his energon, hands deftly slipping beneath his mask as he tipped his head as to not expose his face. It was a hassle, but he didn't mind. After decades of doing this, it was a habit, almost second nature at this point. He continued as he set the cube down. "Shockwave: experiences on Cybertron?" 

"I conducted experiments of great importance and research of high interest." 

"And what of yourself?" He asked, genuinely curious. Someone that possessed Shockwave's mannerisms sparked an appeal to him.  

"Quiet." Shockwave said in a light, airy tone, as if it were a positive thing. "Productive." He added, sparing Soundwave a glance. He was looking right back at Shockwave, as if he were actually invested in what he had to say. Touched, he allowed himself to continue. "It was rather disappointing not to hear a single word from Megatron." 

"I assure you, he did not know you were still online." Soundwave replied aloud this time, as most of the crew had cleared out of the dining hall to go to their personal quarters.  

"He did not check." Shockwave shot back, vocals ringing through the open area, annoyance showing through in his voice. 

"Our leader: busy." Soundwave said softly. To this, he received only a nod. "Soundwave: glad you are not offline." He felt the need to add, not minding if Shockwave knew that he favored him if the observant con did not already know. 

"Agreed." Shockwave sighed, shifting back in his seat as if to get up. Soundwave had just finished his energon, but made no move to leave, so Shockwave settled back down, not minding the cycles sweeping past. "And what of you, Soundwave?" He queried, not wanting to discuss himself any longer and hoping to find out some more about this interesting specimen.  

"Shockwave: would like to know?" He offered, tentative of his motives, but on second thought not minding sharing information. After all, his work was not jeopardized by this loyal con obtaining knowledge on him, and he found himself oddly enjoying his companionship. 

When met by a nod, he sighed contentedly and spoke a bit louder. "Work is fulfilling. Soundwave: no complaints." He leaned back, testing the waters of how Shockwave would respond. No doubt he could tell that the response was loaded. Soundwave was curious if Shockwave had gained the confidence to push, as well as if he himself had the nerve to respond likewise. After all, he did notice how he had relaxed quite a bit.  

Luckily for Shockwave, who wanted desperately to know as much about Soundwave as he could, he was already picking up on Soundwave's simple yet sly tendencies. For a con that everyone thought was so stoic and drone-like, he was very intuitive if one simply knew where to look. Perhaps the company Soundwave had had really was so far below his degree that he could effortlessly disregard their minute efforts to decode what was already right in front of their optics.  

As so, Shockwave persisted. "Soundwave's company is not inefficient?" He mocked the other's tone of voice, to find it come surprisingly easy to him. 

"It is," Soundwave practically hummed, leaning forwards to rest his angular chin on his servo. "Soundwave's work on this ship is tedious." He admitted. 

Shockwave's spark lept for joy. The two had finally began to step on each other's pedes in their little dance. Soundwave had admitted his true feelings, and although he was disheartened that he was in an unfavorable situation, he was excited that he was finally getting under this mechs plating. Becoming too involved in the mysterious con before him, slouched so uncharacteristically and at his mercy, he didn't even bother trying to quell his sudden burst of emotion. For the first time in Primus knows how long, he did not resort to logic, only pure curiosity. "How so?" 

"Even Megatron fails to see that Soundwave is capable. Soundwave: makes no errors." He paused, thinking. It seemed that he, too, had fallen back on his instincts instead of reason. He pondered for a moment what caused him to think like this. It didn't benefit any circumstance. So why was he sharing this with Shockwave? 

The latter decepticon was too far gone, basking in his success. To the pits with reason, he thought for just a moment, not having the time to mentally scold himself. Soundwave was the center of his attention. "And?" He replied, voice a deep, low octave as he craned his back to minimize the space between him and Soundwave, as if the closer proximity would grant him access to all the secrets that Megatron's TIC guarded so well. 

"Soundwave: capable of error, however: highly improbable," he dismissed his last thought, continuing, willing to finally, after much thought, agree with the other's opinion. "You are correct. Megatron: too impulsive to ably lead the Decepticons much longer. Failure is immenent." 

Shockwave hesitated, but only a moment. Soundwave knew what he was after and shared this strange, mutual interest. He figured he might as well be sincere and to the point then continue this fleeting duet. “I do not care about Megatron as of right now. Tell me more about Soundwave." He blurted. 

"I fail to see how Megatron benefits Soundwave any longer." Soundwave said quietly, emotion flooding his voice as he realized that Shockwave had been right. "I am no longer satisfied." He stared down into the empty energon cube before him. Not a single drop remained, blue hue now gone from the clear, glassy surface. He sat perfectly still as he realized that his potential was being wasted, slowly withering away before his eyes. 

Shockwave watched the con's posture, the way his shoulder's slouched and his pedes twitched. He questioned what conclusion he had come to, what he was thinking, what that face looked like right now behind that mask. To see such a specimen unravel before him, oh, it was his dream. But right now, he was distressed by the soft, deflated way that Soundwave vented. If such a magnificent, near perfect Cybertronian was defeated like this, he couldn't bear it. Especially if it was Soundwave. 

Drawn out of his thoughts of his own self worth, Soundwave jumped when larger servos engulfed his, drawing the cube out of his grasp and cradling his digits with his own. Soundwave looked up into Shockwave's single, red optic. He stared back at him, seemingly unsure of what to do next, only knowing that he wanted to do something. As he looked at Shockwave, Soundwave knew that he wouldn't be able to stop spending every moment he could with the menacing, intelligent, interesting purple con, and it scared him how mindlessly he would do such a thing. Perhaps, he wondered as he twisted his digits around the other's servo, he had found his new method of finding satisfaction. Who better than one who shared so much with him, and mirrored himself so perfectly? Yes, it was simply illogical, and highly probable that Soundwave would end up hurt in the end, but something made him want to pursue Shockwave. Once again, as if the look in his eye would give him the answers he needed, he looked pleadingly at the mech who thought the same as him, who actually understood him.  

Amazingly, as much as the intelligence officer could have predicted any possible outcome to his greatest mental abilities, nothing could ever prepare him for the way that Shockwave looked at him. The look in his eye said that he had seen the most stunning of galaxies, the most beautiful of supernovas, and the epitome of perfection in just those few brief seconds, all without leaving the confines of Shockwave’s hold. It said that he cared more than anyone had in a long time of Soundwave’s well being, and if their interactions were anything to go by, he did.  

Soundwave realized that he trusted Shockwave. He didn’t like to trust, but he made an exception for Shockwave, just this once.  

“Will Shockwave: make Soundwave happy?” 

 


	6. Relationship

Chapter 6: Relationship 

 

Soundwave had never brought another con into his quarters aboard the Nemesis. Only himself and Lazerbeak had seen inside the somber yet peaceful four walls that Soundwave called home. Soundwave expected himself to be more uncomfortable with inviting Shockwave into his sanctuary, but as the purple mech ambled in, strong steps wary for someone with such an intimidating ambience, he found the prospect welcoming. It had been cycles since he had thrown caution to the wind anyway, so the slender con basked in his new friend's presence, leaning against the massive berth as Shockwave spun slowly several times. 

"Spacious," Shockwave muttered to himself, and watched as Soundwave cocked his head in response and chuckled. He could get used to this new responsive side of Soundwave. "There's an earthy scent." 

"Maple," Soundwave perched himself on the berth behind him, legs folding under him as he stretched comfortably. His post had always been hard on his joints. "Does it offend you?" 

"Not in the slightest," Shockwave stepped closer to Soundwave as he spoke. "Quite the opposite, I find it..." He paused, watching Soundwave extend his arms above his helm. "Refreshing," he finished, optics still trailing Soundwave's movements as he sat back up. "Your berth is larger than mine," he commented, gesturing as if to ask permission to sit. Soundwave dangled his legs over the side and motioned lazily to the spot next to him. 

"I mentioned once to Megatron that my struts ached from standing at panels for such long periods." He sighed nonchalantly. Seeing Shockwave stiffen at the mention of Megatron's name, he averted his attention. "I have always wondered, since the first time I had ever seen an image file of you," he noticed his optic narrow as he focused, and decided that he quite liked that look, and continued. "What-" he drew the word out, reaching his arm out towards Shockwave's face. "Does this feel like?" As he spoke, he grazed his digits across the inside of the bottom of his chin, prodding gently against where he knew there was an energon intake tube, as he had just seen the other con drink. 

A soft sigh escaped Shockwave as he did so, causing him to draw his hand back, until a larger servo snatched his from the air. "Don't," he rasped, making Soundwave's optics flare at the sound of his voice. "I- I had never placed value on the sensations of my face. In fact, I thought it more efficient than other mech's visages that carry weak points." He was still holding Soundwave's servo. "Now that you mention it, I am curious. Continue." 

Eagerly, now knowing that Shockwave was indeed comfortable with him and not sensitive to touch, he replaced his digit, exploring the surface there. It was smooth, he noted, akin to the softness of his own face. He shared the same sheerness of his alloy due to remaining mostly untouched. As if to answer his question, Shockwave commented at that exact moment, "My digits are far too large to be poking around my face. You are the first." 

"But you are so precise," Soundwave replied, still lightly stroking the area. "I would think you to be the first to understand the importance of simply knowing." 

The bulkier mech sighed, uttering a quick, "Irrelevant to research," before taking hold of Soundwave's wrist and guiding his hands back down away from him. He watched Soundwave's puzzled head tilt as he rested his servo on his own thigh, wishing he could see his face for a moment while in private with him. Soundwave had just confirmed having the same odd fascination with him that he cherished for Soundwave. The simple action of touching the equivalent of his lips was more emotional than Shockwave had ever thought it could be, not that he had any past point of comparison. He assumed that neither had Soundwave, at least for the most part. He had only pushed his hand away because he needed a moment to calm his spark, which was now swirling with excitement. The smallest touch with no intimate intent behind it had managed to arouse him, even if it was in just the slightest amount, and he still wanted to interact genuinely with Soundwave and not just explore his body out of simple desire. Of course, if he thought about it, the concept of Soundwave bare before him didn't put him off at all as the thought of any other mech had, but that wasn't his goal. 

On the other hand, now that they had grown closer in the short amount of time they had spent together, he wanted to know as much as he could about what the Soundwave had to offer and as such, he considered it as a possibility. Perhaps, Shockwave pondered, composure regained, he could determine if his advances would be denied. He had been allowed in this far, after all. 

Soundwave could practically hear him thinking. It was endearing, he thought with a masked smile. Cute even, his mind provided, and he hushed it. No, this was not what Shockwave wanted. He only wanted to know the other in earnest, he knew, which was all that Soundwave wanted as well. 

Although, as Shockwave moved a tad closer to him, angling himself so that he was relaxed and propped on his outstretched arms which laid with one behind and very, very close to Soundwave's aft, that he may have been mistaken. 

"Perhaps some things are simply irrelevant, despite their function." Soundwave sighed, looking Shockwave in the optic. 

"Perhaps I am just unaware of what there is to be gained from knowing oneself in the way that I wish to know about other, more interesting things." Shockwave replied, also looking to Soundwave's optics for his answers. It was so divergent of both of them and too indirect, but in all the right ways. 

"Frag, Shockwave," Soundwave laughed, crisp and clear. "What are you trying to say? How unlike yourself are you going to be?" 

Shockwave offlined his optics briefly, taken aback and also slightly aroused from Soundwave's cursing. "What makes you think you know what behavior is 'like me'?" He bit back, more stunned by his outburst than truly offended. 

Soundwave laughed again, deep and guttural and pure, and it was music. "Because I am the same as you, and I say this is ridiculous." Soundwave laughed again, and Shockwave couldn't help but chuckle. It was ridiculous. Why was he doubting himself and being so impractical? He never denied truth. 

"Soundwave." He addressed him as his laughter ceased into comfortable silence. Slowly, his servo crawled to Soundwave's thigh, deep blue hues under his coarse yet skilled digits. "May I?" He asked, timid but firm. 

Soundwave inclined his helm to rest on Shockwave's shoulder, who felt him relax and took that as a yes. Shockwave allowed his digits to trace the dips in Soundwave's thighs, causing him to curl into the touch and elicit an almost inaudible hum. Supporting his weight on his other arm, he allowed the deft fingers of his right servo to travel up to the panels of his chest, where his symbiotic companion would usually lay. All the sharp points and edges, the smooth curving plates, Shockwave mapped them all, memorizing the feel under his palm. With each new spot that Shockwave explored, Soundwave let out a content hum, urging the larger con onwards if only to hear more of those delectable little cries. Eventually, Shockwave settled on his angled shoulder and drew him close in a gentle embrace. 

"I am glad that you have accepted me into such a personal realm of your existence." Shockwave whispered, feeling the deep blue mech in his grasp curl closer. 

"As am I," he replied, just as softly. He sighed quietly, leaning into the other's touch for just a moment longer, before beginning to squirm. He was restless, and he knew that Shockwave was as well; he aimed to provoke. 

What Soundwave received was more than he expected. With a low growl, he turned Soundwave to face him and pushed him onto his back. Towering over him, Shockwave began to prod at Soundwave's plating, tentatively at first, then with more conviction as he gained confidence. On one particularly rough stroke, the panel snapped back audibly, and Shockwave immediately plunged a single digit deep into the waiting heat. It left Soundwave thrashing on the berth beneath him, pushing back onto the single digit. His fans kicked on, and Shockwave wondered if he should have maybe asked permission once more before doing so, as his valve was so tight Shockwave assumed he was the first to ever enter him at all, but the thought was vanquished by the needy and quite distracting rotations of the slender con's hips against his digits and his breathy cries for more. He pulled the digit out all the way, watching as Soundwave's head lolled onto the berth, and then how his back arched as he slid it back in alongside another digit at the speed of dripping molasses. 

He chose a tantalizingly slow pace, savoring the lewd motions of his pelvis and the languid cries he breathed. Never had his own name sounded so perfect in his audials, nor had he wanted this badly to give in to what the other con so helplessly begged for. Primus, it drove him crazy, and he had barely started. He continued teasing Soundwave until he couldn't bear another second of it. 

Not a moment after Soundwave's processor registered that the intrusion had left, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, and then further forwards onto Shockwave's waiting lap, seeking friction against the other's crotch. The reaction he got was priceless; a hitch in his breath followed by a husky, guttural groan and two massive servos firmly grasping his aft. 

He drew in a large intake of air before reaching out his own two servos to Shockwave's left arm. "May I?" He reiterated, voice reaching a new low that made Shockwave's fans kick on. Receiving a nod, he took Shockwave's weight off of his own arms and lowered him to his berth before climbing up to straddle him. Perhaps, Soundwave thought to himself as he realized what he was doing, this was exactly what he needed. He continued. 

Suddenly, Shockwave felt pressure from all angles. He struggled to keep his attention on Soundwave, who was now above him and resting his chest against his own, but too soon he gave in. Releasing a throaty groan, he offlined his optic, realizing that Soundwave was now using his tentacles to get in between the nicks in his armor, all while relentlessly grinding against him. Scrap that felt good, he thought, savoring the feeling of Soundwave on top of him, or rather all over him. 

"Soundwave," he moaned, tossing his helm back, his digits finding purchase on the clefts of Soundwave's aft. "Frag, don't stop," he barely managed to stutter out before succumbing to the other's prurient ministrations. 

Behind his mask, Soundwave smirked. He grazed a tentacle over the rim of Shockwave's cannon, watching as his frame quivered under him. Slowly, he swirled the feelers of the tentacles on the inside edge of the weapon. Shockwave bucked in response, the force of it almost pushing Soundwave off his hips. Over the roaring of both their fans, Soundwave heard the click of Shockwave's interface panel popping back. The latter turned his face, seemingly ashamed. Soundwave pressed his chest against him and, turning the purple con's helm towards him, slid his slender fingers along the fins on either side. Immediately, any sign of nervousness disappeared, and Shockwave inhaled sharply and pressed back against the other mech. 

"Soundwave," he purred, feeling his spike pressurize against the friction of Soundwave's valve grinding against him. "Are you," he paused mid-sentence to gasp as he Soundwave let up on his spike, leaving a warm trail of transfluid on his spike. "Are you," he continued as Soundwave stared down at him, panting, "sure you want me?" 

Soundwave laughed, the sound causing his interface to twitch up into the slick valve above him. "Shockwave, would I be here if I wasn't sure?" Shockwave shook his head, and Soundwave leaned down towards the side of his helm. Twiddling an audial fin, he whispered, "Hurry up and frag me." 

With a firm grip on the con above him, Shockwave chuckled. Abruptly flipping Soundwave on his berth, he quickly lined up his spike and plunged past the warmth of the other's walls until he was completely submerged in Soundwave. Entire body clenching, Soundwave practically mewled and sunk his long talons into Shockwave's back. He started a slow pace, processor swimming in pleasure as he relished the sweet cries that could barely be heard from behind the blue mech's visor. He sunk his claws into the seams of Shockwave's back and he quickened, lost in the loving embrace of Soundwave's arms and the squeezing of his valve. However, Shockwave realized that Soundwave demanded his speed increase more so, his tentacles gripping Shockwave's aft and pushing him forward repeatedly as Soundwave met his sharp thrusts. Getting the hint, Shockwave shifted his weight and buried himself deep inside of Soundwave, making Soundwave whimper and curl his struts around Shockwave, touching a whole different set of nodes. He slid back and forth quicker, Soundwave taking every bit of the rough treatment without complaint. 

Shockwave didn't think he was going to last much longer when Soundwave pressed the palm of a servo hard against his chestplate. Instantly, he stopped, afraid to hurt the con beneath him, until he realized that he wasn't pushing him away, he was prodding at his chest lock. He paused, sitting back to let Soundwave up, who immediately drew back his legs to kneel in front of Shockwave. Reaching out to cup Shockwave's shoulder, he asked softly, "Do you trust me?" 

"Of course," he replied, leaning into the caress. "I did not expect this from you, is all." 

"Nor did I from you, or myself." replied Soundwave, "But I am sure. I want to share this with you." 

Shockwave nodded and retracted his armor, revealing his spark. For a moment, Soundwave stared, mesmerized, before summoning his own spark. Maneuvering onto Shockwave's lap, Soundwave carefully pressed the tip of his spark to touch Shockwave's, both gasping at the sudden burst of emotion. Sensing that Soundwave was hesitant, Shockwave channeled positivity into the bond, and Soundwave softened into his touch, resting his helm on the side of Shockwave's and settling onto his hips again. 

Soundwave was surprised that Shockwave had seen so much loneliness not only in his time as Cybertron's protector, but also before that. While he was not physically secluded, he was emotionally secluded. It was so different to how he felt in that moment, intertwined with someone whom he felt a connection with, and the contrast was stark to Soundwave. Though, as he opened himself to Shockwave, he found that he was quite similar, though he was not so secluded, he was equally denied the utmost level of affection, even in his closeness to Megatron. It was not an equal relationship, Soundwave realized as Shockwave discovered the depths that were Soundwave. It felt so good, Soundwave thought, to be so thoroughly accepted, and the other agreed. 

Hoisting Soundwave up without breaking their point of contact, he brought him back down on his spike and watched as both their sparks flared with passion. A few deep plunges later and Soundwave overloaded, the arousal Shockwave felt spurring him on through their bond. The powerful spasms of his valve had Shockwave following shortly after, holding on tight to Soundwave. 

The two stayed together for a while, content with each other's presence, overjoyed sparks shining brightly. It was Soundwave who moved first, shifting uncomfortable off of Shockwave's now depressurized spike and closing his interface panel. 

The other mech followed suit, but did not close his spark panel. "May I stay?" He asked, wanting only to see more of Soundwave. 

In response, Soundwave laid down on one side of his berth, leaving space for the larger mech to rest beside him. Both cons slept tangled together, at first their sparks lulling each other into a peaceful recharge, then with their arms and legs laced into the early morning. Neither were worried any longer about the consequences of their relationship, nor the breeching of their morals or their self-preservation, because they now knew that they were one and the same and could not live without the other.


	7. More to Life

Chapter 7: More to Life 

 

A pleasant haze clouded Shockwave's vision as he came out of recharge. The first thing he noticed after his optic came online was the lean, long form next to him, warmth radiating from his frame, faceplates offline but still glowing softly, living metal humming quietly. For a moment he was startled, not used to having any con in his bed, but not the feeling quickly subsided into a soothing, warm feeling that went all the way down to his spark. It was only then that he realized that he wasn't in his own berth. Then he remembered in a flash the previous night and smiled at the memory. He took a moment to glance around Soundwave's small but tidy quarters. Now fully online, he carefully settled back down, careful not to wake the sleeping TIC, and leaned his helm into the other's chestplate, pressing his forehead into the exposed spot where Laserbeak once docked. Soundwave stirred and shockwave froze, afraid he may have woken him; to his chagrin, he did 

Panic set in first, and Soundwave jolted up, though once he came to and saw Shockwave looking at him curiously, he calmed down. He wondered to himself how he had let the scientist into his personal life so quickly, but with a simper behind his mask, he became suddenly aware that he didn't regret a single moment spent in his company and wrapped an arm around his stomach, pulling him closer slowly. 

"Apologies for waking you," Shockwave sighed. 

"No," Soundwave replied, voice much more gentle than usual, making the other con melt inside and appreciate how highly he must think of him. "Shockwave is good." 

Shockwave turned to face him. “May I say something?” Receiving a nod, he continued. “I never thought I’d actually see behind your facade.” 

Returning his stare, Soundwave smiled, saying, “Nor did I expect to find genuine pleasure in companionship the way I do with Shockwave.” 

And before he realized what he was saying, his robotic voice said so steadily what he didn’t know he felt until that moment: “Shockwave, I care about you.” 

In return, spark blossoming with emotion, Shockwave defied any previous logical impulses he may have abided by and admitted, “As do I.” 

Without care of what may or may not be practical, Shockwave took hold of the sides of Soundwave’s face and nuzzled his forehead. Without worry of his own protection or mind of consequences, he lifted his thin digits to where Shockwave’s hands lay firmly on his plating and released the locks of the display covering his features. He had let him see himself fully exposed already, all his innermost thoughts now shared with this lonely scientist, he decided that if he was to reveal his true physical self to anyone as well, he’d not rather have anyone look at him then Shockwave. 

Carefully, Soundwave removed his visor. Redirecting his optic nerves to see through his eyes, he slowly onlined his vision. They flickered on, unused to the lights around him. They shone their crimson light on Shockwave, usual confident posture negated by the hint of shyness in his gaze. Cool air touched his lips for the first time in what seemed like forever. The metal of his face was dark, surface smooth but edges sharp, more rigid form showing his days as a gladiator. The faded indent of a scar spread vertically across his lips on the right side of his face, angling towards his chin. 

Shockwave tried not to stare, but he couldn’t help himself. “May I?” He asked, raising an open hand. 

Soundwave nodded his permission, and the purple con before him gently stroked the length of his cheek. The slender con almost flinched away before he realized that he trusted him, and leaned into the delicate touch of the scientist. 

“Why do you cover your face?” He drew his hand away. 

“Practicality. Intimidation. Protection. Efficiency.” Soundwave simpered a little. “In addition, I rather prefer it.” 

Shockwave nodded and leaned his own face in closer. Soundwave rested his cheek against the other’s face and sighed. 

“I like your face.” 

Soundwave smiled against his plating. “Thank you.” He kissed the silvery appendages on Shockwave’s head, which made him curl closer, frame humming lightly. 

“Where did you get that scar?” 

Soundwave offlined his optics as he answered, not wanting to see the reaction he might elicit. “Megatronus.” 

Instead, he felt him shift and then say, “When are you on duty?” 

With a smirk, his reply made them both laugh: "Too soon." They both thought it was strange to be so overcome with emotion, as well as frightening, but they were too enticed by the other to care. 

Thinking this, Shockwave was about to ponder this through, to tell himself how illogical it was to feel this way, until Soundwave's lips caught his neck, and he decided that just this once, he would trust his spark when it told him to throw caution to the wind and emote. And that is exactly what he did.


	8. Worth More Than This

Chapter 8: Worth More Than This 

 

Work wasn't quite the same after Shockwave. Soundwave grew to realize this, but it didn't upset him as much as he thought it would. He knew relationships complicated things, but never before had he realized how worthwhile such bonds could be. He was surprised at how confident he was that the scientists wouldn't end up hurting him. He scolded himself mentally for thinking like that, but he knew that if anything ever did happen he would try his hardest to make it right. He wasn't scared of how attached he was to the other con, and that scared him. Nonetheless, he dove headfirst into the situation, confident. Maybe, he decided, it was time he start trusting someone a little more like-minded to himself. It had been so long since he saw eye to eye with someone on such a level that he did with Shockwave. 

“Are you busy?” Shockwave commed him while he was at his station. Soundwave could tell he was idle, so he responded with, “You may come by.” 

Within a milicycle, the door opened behind him and Shockwave appeared directly behind him. He could feel the heat from Shockwave’s plating, and he found himself relishing it. Whether or not he was ashamed to admit it, he could not tell. 

“How are you?” Soundwave no longer struggled with his words around the other con, letting his speech flow more easily together, sentences smoother and his own style of words developing. He was always a bit soft spoken, but Shockwave didn’t mind. Quite the opposite, as it ensured nobody could overhear him. 

“Better.” Shockwave’s dialect too had become more natural and casual. As time went by he even began to make what one might call small talk with Soundwave, not discussing anything important, communicating just because he wanted to. “What are you doing?” 

“Reconnaissance and patrol reports,” he said blankly, turning his head to look back at Shockwave, not expecting the strange look of disbelief the cyclops shot back. 

“I’m not Knockout,” he huffed, reaching across him to tap some buttons on Shockwave’s panel, pulling up a separate tab with several different human plants displayed with basic information displayed in blurbs beneath each image. “I’m not stupid,” he continued, crossing his arms and standing back. “Now give me a real answer. What are you doing?” 

His sass had become an impetus in the last few days when they were alone, and Soundwave wasn’t complaining. He obliged: “Side research. I find these plants fascinating. I confiscated some from a vehicon who returned from scouting. Humans eat some of these organisms, like this one, for example.” He pulled up a picture of a two tiered leafy plant with a thin structure supporting it. At the top were several pale yellow flowers, and the root was displayed as well with a whitish structure at the base. “This is a Medeola Virginiana, commonly known as the Indian Cucumber. Natives once used to eat the roots, which kills the plant. It’s such a unique concept, creatures eating other organisms like this.” 

“Cybertronians are not so different. Energon is mined from the ground.” 

“But they are alive, Shockwave.” Soundwave insisted, bringing up more text and zooming in on the roots. 

“So? Predacons feed on prey, and scraplets on them.” 

“It’s not the same!” His visor flashed vividly, white light flickering fleetingly across both their faces. “They grow from the earth but do not communicate, yet they interact with other species, even working together mutually. They live easily off of nothing but what comes from the sky. It’s almost…” He searched for the right word. “Magical.” 

Shockwave’s optic widened. “That’s… highly illogical.” He contemplated for a moment. “But I do see what you mean. It’s… curious.” He paused to chuckle for a moment and step closer to Soundwave. “I see why you would take an interest in learning more about these ‘plants.’” 

He drew the slender frame closer to his by the hip, reaching for his thin digits with his dark, bulky ones. Both the mechs still jumped at each other's touch ever so slightly, but allowed themselves to enjoy one another. Soundwave leaned over to his console and tapped a combination to lock the door before swiftly but carefully letting Shockwave nuzzle into his neck. He edged his face near to the side on Shockwave’s, but not quite touching him. 

“Do you also see why I might take an interest in you?” He whispered, even more quiet than usual. 

“Perhaps,” Shockwave sighed, voice muffled by the other con’s plating. 

They did not stay in each other’s embrace much longer. Soundwave reluctantly nudged himself off Shockwave’s helm and straightened up. 

“I have work to do,” he said with a twinge of grief. 

Shockwave nodded and backed away. “I will be needing your direct assistance later.” 

“I will be at your quarters?” It was only half a question Soundwave posed as he gave him one last gentle caress against his shoulder. 

“Indeed.” Shockwave inclined his head and squinted his optic, his version of a smile. “I look forward to it.” 

 

Two deep purple cons laid idly in Shockwave’s berth, enjoying the other’s company, dim lighting surrounding them as the rest of the nemesis slept around them, not a spark knowing when they shared these happy, quiet moments in each other’s servos. 

“Soundwave,” Shockwave said, fidgeting slightly. “May I ask you something personal?” Soundwave nodded, to which he continued, fumbling over his words this time. “Last night, I noticed you had some… memories of a negative relationship. Were you… bonded to another mech before me?” 

Soundwave copied the other’s nervous fiddling as he chose his words. “No; not bonded. There was one before you, however. Sideways. Back before the war, even before I met Megatron, I was his ally in the pits until he betrayed me. We mended each other after every fight and grew very close.” Soundwave paused to plant a kiss of Shockwave’s helm. “Before last night, I had thought he truly cared for me once. Soundwave was greatly mistaken.” 

He laid his head back down on Shockwave and felt him grumble, “He hurt you,” and pull him closer. Soundwave smiled and curled into the embrace until it increased in pressure protectively. Rising from his chest, he shot Shockwave a questioning look with a signature tilt of his head. 

Air intake heavy, Shockwave offlined his optic for a few moments to try and regain his composure. He cursed himself mentally for being so irrational and letting his emotions get the better of him. It was very unlike him, but he assumed that it just went to show how much he thought of Soundwave’s well-being. “Our leader has hurt you as well. Multiple times.” He waited as Soundwave adverted his gaze downward in what he guessed was shame for allowing it to happen in the first place. If it was from something else, he could not tell, but nonetheless Shockwave tried to help the one he cared for. “I ask you again: why do you continue to serve our master, especially as he now continues to descend into madness?” 

“I have stood by his side for eons,” Soundwave protested, “and I know what he is capable of. I have no wish to turn against the Decepticons, nor do I possess a death wish.” 

“I am aware that such violent consequences come in tow with our affiliation, but I too know our leader. He once led our cause proudly and fairly, but when he punishes those beneath him with such force for simple misconducts, especially one as loyal and devoted as you, once must decide when enough is enough.” 

Though Soundwave was skilled at handling which emotions splayed to the world with his mask, he was not expertly so without it. Shockwave internally sighed as he watched him try to reason with himself, logical thoughts battling at each other, unsure what to think and questioning what to believe in. 

“What have you ever done to make Megatron even debate injuring you, his most diligent troop?” 

Any other time, Soundwave’s spark would have beamed beneath his plating, prideful for serving his master well for cycles passed and cycles to come, but now he debated that very loyalty he had once unconditionally given. Looking at Shockwave, he realized now that he could not justify Megatron’s actions. 

“Shockwave: you are right.” Soundwave allowed his emotions to break through as he lunged into Shockwave’s open arms. “Is this what my loyalty has blinded me of? What else have you seen that I have been sightless too?” 

Shockwave smiled sadly. “Soundwave, this is not all he has done wrong. His ways of leadership falter too. Observe his past decisions, not just for your fate, but for the fate of all of us. What good is a leader who does not lead, but puts his own well-being primary to his army, or worse, his cause?” 

For the first time in what seemed like forever, he saw that his spark had indeed won over his processor, and it shocked him that it was in the one thing that he had believed in the most. With something akin to regret, Soundwave quietly articulated, “I failed to see that Megatron’s path is not the most logical course of action any longer.” 

A part of Shockwave pitied Soundwave as his world was revealed as imperfect, but a sliver of him sang for joy at the prospect of being taken seriously and, more importantly, at what might be the end of a source of suffering for Soundwave. “There is something of the utmost of importance I must discuss with you.” He stated, tone gentle but serious. In response, Soundwave looked up to meet his gaze and nodded, motioning him to continue. “I fear that if you stay with Megatron, you will end up getting hurt.” 

“Are you suggesting I turn against him?” Soundwave replied immediately, monotonous tone returning but with a hint of panic. 

Nervous that Shockwave would accuse him, as he had every right to as Megatron’s Intelligence officer, Shockwave hurriedly answered, “My intention is not to convince you to turn against anyone. I know that you are trying to protect yourself because you have been injured in the past and have a history with Megatron and thus, you trust him. But just because you trust Megatron, does not give him the right use you for more than what is acceptable as the leader of our faction. It is illogical to settle under poor circumstances. Remember what separates a good leader like he used to be from a leader like Starscream.” 

Shockwave felt Soundwave relax in his arms, and instantly felt more at ease. After a pause, he went on. “But I beg you to consider my words. I would never again see Megatron as the rightful leader of the Decepticons if he caused you serious harm under his watch. So please, if you wish to continue what we have started in this relationship, talk to Megatron. Try to make him see the error in his ways. I know he means a lot to you, and I once shared the same view of him as you do now. But I cannot continue to stand idly by under his direction while you are at stake.” 

Soundwave stared for a long moment at Shockwave, thinking over his options. Knowing his future might be at stake, but also not wanting to lose what he had gained since getting to know Shockwave more closely, he nodded, resting his head on his chest and wrapping himself snugly around him as much as he could while laying down. “Yes,” he said, softly but firmly. “I will consider what you have said, and I will discuss what I can with our leader.” 

Shockwave sighed in relief and settled into the embrace, allowing his arms to find purchase on whatever part of Soundwave he could grasp, head resting on his helm as if of its own accord, but not at all against his volition. 

The two stayed in their peaceful embrace for as long as they could, both calm in each other’s presence, air flows in sync with the other. While Shockwave wondered what was to come, worrying over Soundwave’s safety and paying to mind to the statistics, Soundwave allowed his mind to clear itself of any conflicting thoughts, simply enjoying the time he had with his bondmate while he could, knowing the moment would end much too soon. 

Of course, he was correct, as before long, a ping alerted Soundwave that he was due for duty (a bridge shift, to his chagrin) in less than one kilocycle. He rose from his comfortable position at a halfhearted speed, Shockwave stirring beneath him. 

“Stay and recharge,” Soundwave cooed, placing a servo on Shockwave’s chestplate. 

Soundwave nodded in reply, whispering, “I will return when I finish tending my post,” and planting one last kiss on his helm before replacing his facemask. “Thank you,” he added. 

Only half awake, Shockwave muttered, “You’ve no need to thank me. Just take care of yourself.” 

Soundwave simpered despite himself, thought it was unseen by all. He left Shockwave’s quarters just before he sleepily murmured, “Take care of yourself, Soundwave. I love you.”


	9. Defiance

Chapter 9: Defiance 

Soundwave stood outside the bridge of the Nemesis. Tanks churning, he pushed down his hesitation and stepped through the doors. He was more than aware that to be so wary was very unlike himself. Still, his peds shook with every step as he neared his leader. Never before had he been chastised for giving his opinions on such important matters, yet, as he told himself this over and over, worry still pooled in his palms and make his digits twitch. 

Turning at the sound of footsteps, Megatron greeted his third in command. “Ah, Soundwave!” he grinned toothily. “Anything to report?” 

He shook his head and proceeded to play a recording of, ironically, Starscream: “I’d like to speak to you in private, my liege.” 

With a nod and the raise of a hand, the Vehicons all cleared out and the doors sealed shut, leaving the room silent save for the blips and beeps of the monitors. 

"What is it?" Megatron demanded, though much more gently than he would have if it were anyone else before him. 

Taking a moment to gather his nerves and produce the necessary audio clips, Soundwave proceeded to carefully – very carefully – voice his opinions. "Back on Cybertron, we were gladiators – nothing could touch us! Now – we fight! - but for what? The Decepticon cause! - what is it?" 

Megatron looked at him, clearly thinking, leaving Soundwave in the most uncomfortable silence he had experienced in eons. Finally, he spoke: "Are you questioning my leadership?" He did not sound angry, Soundwave noticed, which was good, but he didn't sound calm. Immediately, Soundwave sent him an internal com request; he accepted. 

"Lord Megatron: I do not wish to defy you. Soundwave: completely loyal. However, I see an issue with the treatment of the troops. Discipline lately: without cause and encourages dissention. Violence: unnecessary." 

Megatron cackled. "Soundwave!" He proclaimed, "You are not going soft, are you? My most loyal servant! Would you recommend we start recruiting Autobots, who rub each other's struts after each defeat?" The response he received was a simple incline of Soundwave's helm, of which the message was clear: I am serious. At this, Megatron's smile vanished. "This is very bold of you." He sounded intrigued. "What has brought this on, Soundwave?" 

"Your treatment of those who are loyal to you: demeaning. Our goals: unfocused. Our cause: questionable." 

Megatron stepped forward threateningly, angered, before pausing and inhaling sharply. "I value your opinion, Soundwave. You have never defied me, and only question me when you have a better, more practical idea. So, tell me: what do you propose?" 

"Soldiers: not disposable resource. Reckless leadership is illogical. Motives: for Decepticon power, not Megatron's power." 

Smirking, Megatron leaned down to Shockwave's optic level. "So, there it is," he whispered, voice especially hoarse. "You speak of 'logic,' but is it logical to become so attached to a single mech during war?" Shockwave stood up straight, taken aback. Megatron's smirk widened. "Surprised? You think I wouldn't notice the gaps in your monitoring which happen to line up with Shockwave's time off? Shockwave is very loyal, I have no doubt, but his love is for science. And now even that is compromised, it seems, for you. Do not forget what it was like to kill a comrade in the pits. The whole is strong, but individual bonds show our weakness. Attachment compromises logic, Soundwave." 

"Is that why Starscream is back again, sir?" Soundwave found himself asking aloud, in his own voice. "Have I ever given you poor advice? Tell me what our cause began for. The weak are now the strong, and yet you feed yourself power. Why have the troops not been given Dark Energon? What of Cybertron? Shockwave has not waivered my loyalty, only opened my optics. We suffer, Megatron. You lead us. Who is at fault?" 

Megatron seethed, speechless. The vibrancy in his eyes dared Soundwave to venture forward, dared him to keep going, but he stood silent. Not a word came from the ever-watching intelligent officer, who now finally saw what he had been observing aboard the Nemesis for too long now. 

"I treat you well, Soundwave. You do not fail me. If this changes, you will have your optics opened to the treatment that those who fail me have always received, even eons ago on Cybertron." The rage still welled in his optics as he dismissed Soundwave, who walked steadily out of the bridge and into the empty, desolate halls. 

 

It was only when Soundwave entered Shockwave's quarters that his legs faltered and bucked, and the deep blue con fell to the floor with a clang. Shockwave was immediately by his side, helping him up on the berth and questioning everything that happened. 

"He wasn't happy," Soundwave muttered, leaning back into Shockwave's chest. 

"We knew he wouldn't be," Shockwave replied, stroking the points of Soundwave's helm and sending reassurance over their bond. 

"He has a point." Soundwave pondered aloud. "If someone were to hurt you, I would be rendered useless.” 

"That is just living in fear, and we've already tried it. Did you know this kind of happiness in your ways of the past?" Shockwave asked, and Soundwave shook his head from side to side softly. "Then are you convinced that this is the right thing that we are doing?” He prodded, already knowing Soundwave's answer. As expected, he nodded in agreement. “Good,” Shockwave whispered, and nuzzled Soundwave’s neck. “And thank you,” he added, “for upholding my values.” 

 

 

Soundwave nodded again, but responded with, “He's crazy, but he can run this ship efficiently.” 

“But do you want him to control you?” 

Soundwave paused, then vented heavily. “Not anymore. No.” He sunk back into Shockwave’s embrace. “It doesn’t seem practical anymore. Your loyalty keeps you from abuse, while mine secured my comfort. It is not equal; not what we once strived for.” Soundwave rambled on, speaking from the spark, and Shockwave actively listened. “He once lead with such vigor that made bots from all over gather. Now, most stay under his command for fear of leaving. Perhaps it is a soft line of thought, and he is not a terrible leader, for we are Decepticons: we do what we must. However, I feel I would lead better.” 

After a long moment, Shockwave sat up, pushing Soundwave to lock optics with him. “You could lead better.” 

The masked con felt hope pulse from Shockwave through their bond, and frowned. “I do not wish to dethrone Megatron. It is his cause, and while I no longer agree, it is not completely faulty.” 

“It is unfair, Soundwave.” 

“I will not usurp one that I still hold loyalty to.” Soundwave stated firmly. 

“Then consider the Vehicons. Organizing the troops like Megatron never would. You would not be confronting him,” Shockwave offered. 

Soundwave was conflicted. Something he had known for eons was now slipping away. Perhaps he was in denial before, or blinded by loyalty. Either way, didn’t want to take immediate action, against Megatron or not. It was then, as that fleeting thought crossed his mind, that he felt the energon rush out of his face and his limbs go cold. 

“He knows that we are together. He thinks that we are conspiring.” Soundwave paused, allowing them both to think. “I need some time to think of my options.” 

Shockwave reclined again and gestured for Soundwave to follow suit, saying, “Take as long as you need. I will be here, and you will forever be on my mind.”


End file.
